Defense etiquette

Photo: Women marching for equality in the 70's.

The History:

The code of chivalry was a code comprised of moral principles used to govern the lives of noblemen. The principles included, but were not limited to: protecting the weak and defenseless, fighting for the welfare of all, respecting the honour of women, and to abstaining from unfairness/meanness. These regulations all basically meant one thing: do the 'right' thing.

When faced with ethical dilemmas the knights, clad in shining armor, were obligated by the code of chivalry to do the right thing. They were called to protect those that may not have been able to protect themselves. In medieval times women would have fallen into this category. Historically, women lacked the basic human rights, education, and social standing that would have allowed them to come to their own defense.  

Therefore, this role would have fallen into the lap of men (most likely an armored, horseback lap). Men, according to the code of chivalry, were responsible for protecting and defending women from injustice, offense, and/or attack.

*Aside: this is slightly ironic due to the fact that Medieval society, social codes and customs were built upon deep seated power imbalances.  Even by the code of chivalry itself. Women were treated unjustly, and offensively. In an ironic twist, therefore, knights would technically be responsible for fighting the very power structures that gave them the power to do so.*

The Custom:

The damsel in distress being saved by her knight in shining armor is a well-known archetype. The custom being evaluated is just that: should men come to the aid of their female counterparts? Should men stand up, stand behind, or stay out of behavior which is offensive or unjust?

It was long customary for men to come to the defense of women, but recently this has fallen by the way side. There is a lot of speculation that this is because men do not want to appear sexist. That maybe jumping to a woman’s defense implies she is incapable of mounting her own.

The Verdict: LOVE IT (a custom worth defending)

Defending women, or any person when you have the ability to do so is immensely important. People empowered and disempowered by structures, customs, or cultures must collectively work towards a positive change.

Being a passive is an act of silent praise; a show of support. By staying silent in these types of situations one is condoning the behavior in question.

It is important for everyone to stand together. Regardless of gender, or sex it important for people to defend one another. This is especially important today with the rise of bullying, murders in the LGBTQ community, and youth suicides.

Stay tuned for new posts each week!

**If you or anyone you know needs assistance the following resources are available:
Domestic Violence Support
Suicide Prevention
Anti-bullying/kids help

Door Etiquette

Photo: the front end of a vintage car

The History:

There are, in fact, a number of historical reasons behind men holding the door open for women. Today, we will explore the main reasons: the ancient code of chivalry, and female fashion. In order to get to the heart of this custom it makes sense to begin, at well, the beginning. The medieval code of chivalry demanded that knights/gentlemen protect those weaker, or lesser, than themselves.

Also, it should be noted that female fashion has not historically been the most practical. Women wore dresses with corsets, hoop skirts, and many more layers which tended to make it awkward to maneuver about . Women, at times, simply needed help negotiating their way through doorways.

The custom:

When staring down an open door it is not uncommon to hear the statement "ladies first," and so we have arrived at the custom. "Women and children first," applied, originally, in situations where harm or danger was imminent. 

The vulnerable, weaker people would be saved first in this seemingly 'noble' act. For example: on the titanic women and children boarded the life boats first until it was deemed the boats were at capacity

In our modern life of relative safety it is no longer common to find oneself in a situation where harm or danger looms. Women's priority boarding has shifted from the life boats of yesterday, to buildings or cars. Offering to open a door for women is how this tradition evolved.

However, offering to open a car door for a women is a pregnant action. It not only bears all of the historical significance previously discussed, but much more. Men would walk to the passenger door for two reasons: men were the assumed drivers, and women could not always drive cars. These reasons were built upon deeply embedded gendered stereotypes.

The Verdict: LEAVE IT (that door is better left shut)

Anything which is predicated on the fact women are the weaker sex, and can't drive should be left in the past. That being said: I think people, in general, should open the door for everyone.

If someone is right behind you take an extra two seconds and brighten someone's day. But the dated stereotypes and female first mentality should be shut out.

Stay tuned for a new post next week!

Hat etiquette

Photo: Men wearing hats in the 1920s

The History:

This custom of chivalry dates all the way back to the days of knights in shining armour. Suits of armour were designed to protect every last inch of the body including the head. The helmet part of the armour, however, made it hard to recognize the person underneath the metal as friend or foe.

Out of this difficulty the tradition arose: men lifted their visor to demonstrate that they were friendly and nonthreatening. Therefore, it became custom for men to lift their visors or remove their helmet in the presence of a lady. This was also customary when passing other knights, or people in general.

The Custom:

The tradition which was born in the days of yore, or perhaps more accurately lore, managed to find its way within the modern world. You may be asking yourself: how is this possible?

Clearly, the suit of armour did not persist into modernity. The metal helmet was replaced with first the top hat, the fedora and then later on with the cap (most recently baseball caps).

Like male fashion, the custom evolved. Men no longer lifted their visors but tipped their hats. This act was no longer to reveal an obscured friendly face but rather served as a cordial gesture. It still said 'I'm a friend' to those it was directed at.


This act of chivalry became so engrained in western culture almost every man tipped his hat at one point. Whether it was a way of saying hello, thank you, or more broadly respect/admiration this was ultimately a sign of good manners. It became a normal social custom and was, for a time, a deeply engrained behaviour.

The Verdict: LOVE IT (Hats off to this one)!

In total honesty the entire tipping your hat custom is not something that stirred up passionate feelings one way, or the other. But, it is a harmless gesture of respect so this shifted the scales in its favour. It also did not hurt that it is directed at both sexes and there is equality in that.

Stay tuned for more. There will be a new blog post every week!

Walking Etiquette

Photo: Couple walking arm in arm

The History:
Historically, swords were sheathed on the right side and hung at a mans waist. This was due to the fact that the majority of people are right handed. It allowed quick access to a person's weapon. Back when danger could be lurking around any corner, or within any passing glance this was important.

The Custom:

The proper way to escort a lady is for the man to offer her his left arm. Thus, freeing up his right arm and allowing him to protect the honor, and safety of his lady friend. This tradition still applies indoors. However, the industrial revolution added a new problem into the equation: cars. 

With the rise of motorized, or wheeled vehicles etiquette had to evolve. It is now considered proper for a man to position himself closest to the street with the female farthest away from the traffic. This would protect her from physical harm, and hopefully any dirt/water splashing up on her clothes.

The Verdict: LOVE IT (runaway success )

I think offering a woman any arm is something worth bringing back, and so I say this act of chivalry deserves a comeback.

It is slightly problematic to assume that women still need to be protected by a male figure. But, I think this is a relatively harmless social custom that doesn't infringe on the autonomy of anyone.


Stay tuned for more. There will be a new post every week!