Flower Etiquette

Photo: A field of daisies

The History:

In Medieval society dating, and courtship rituals were quite different from that of today. First of all, dating was not something that was taken lightly. If a person was spending time with their intended it was as a means to an end not simply 'hanging out'. It would have also been chaperoned. It was of the utmost importance that honour, virtue and chastity (just to be clear we are talking about virginity) were preserved.

For knights who took an oath of chivalry it was their duty to protect and honour those weaker, and lesser than themselves. There also  was specific stipulations about upholding the honour and reputation of women throughout the code itself. Therefore, one could not simply kiss their significant other or tell them how they felt.

This was because:
A). They would never be alone
B). People would speculate something dishonourable was occurring.

Also at this time the concept of love began to make an appearance in the world of relationships. But, it was not necessary as many people still married for reasons of class, wealth, and finding an 'appropriate' match. Many relationships were arranged at the time.

The Custom:

It was from this historical, and social landscape that the concept of giving coded gifts as symbols of affection arose. Since the couple would not be alone together they could, instead, pass notes and gifts to one another. This allowed for intimacy, privacy, and some degree of secrecy in relationships.

Tokens of affection took various forms: actual love tokens, poems, and most notably flowers. The language of flowers (floriography) has existed for thousands of years but was extremely popular in Medieval, and Victorian times. Every flower carried a specific meaning, and books or lists were used to help both the giver and receiver decipher the intended message.

For example:
Daisy - innocence
Ivy - Fidelity
Lavender - Distrust
Lilac - First Love
**Click here for a longer list**

The Verdict: Love it (don't leaf it)
There is nothing wrong with letting your significant other know you are thinking of them, or how you truly feel. The language of flowers has been lost in translation from the Medieval period into modernity. However, the original meaning a flower carried is not what is important; it is the thought that counts.

It is simply good manners to show up to a date, or a party with flowers. Or to offer flowers as a sign of congratulations or affection. It does not simply have to be a guy giving a girl flowers. Rather friends, women, parents, etc. taking the time to say 'I care' without actually saying it. 

Defense etiquette

Photo: Women marching for equality in the 70's.

The History:

The code of chivalry was a code comprised of moral principles used to govern the lives of noblemen. The principles included, but were not limited to: protecting the weak and defenseless, fighting for the welfare of all, respecting the honour of women, and to abstaining from unfairness/meanness. These regulations all basically meant one thing: do the 'right' thing.

When faced with ethical dilemmas the knights, clad in shining armor, were obligated by the code of chivalry to do the right thing. They were called to protect those that may not have been able to protect themselves. In medieval times women would have fallen into this category. Historically, women lacked the basic human rights, education, and social standing that would have allowed them to come to their own defense.  

Therefore, this role would have fallen into the lap of men (most likely an armored, horseback lap). Men, according to the code of chivalry, were responsible for protecting and defending women from injustice, offense, and/or attack.

*Aside: this is slightly ironic due to the fact that Medieval society, social codes and customs were built upon deep seated power imbalances.  Even by the code of chivalry itself. Women were treated unjustly, and offensively. In an ironic twist, therefore, knights would technically be responsible for fighting the very power structures that gave them the power to do so.*

The Custom:

The damsel in distress being saved by her knight in shining armor is a well-known archetype. The custom being evaluated is just that: should men come to the aid of their female counterparts? Should men stand up, stand behind, or stay out of behavior which is offensive or unjust?

It was long customary for men to come to the defense of women, but recently this has fallen by the way side. There is a lot of speculation that this is because men do not want to appear sexist. That maybe jumping to a woman’s defense implies she is incapable of mounting her own.

The Verdict: LOVE IT (a custom worth defending)

Defending women, or any person when you have the ability to do so is immensely important. People empowered and disempowered by structures, customs, or cultures must collectively work towards a positive change.

Being a passive is an act of silent praise; a show of support. By staying silent in these types of situations one is condoning the behavior in question.

It is important for everyone to stand together. Regardless of gender, or sex it important for people to defend one another. This is especially important today with the rise of bullying, murders in the LGBTQ community, and youth suicides.

Stay tuned for new posts each week!

**If you or anyone you know needs assistance the following resources are available:
Domestic Violence Support
Suicide Prevention
Anti-bullying/kids help

Hat etiquette

Photo: Men wearing hats in the 1920s

The History:

This custom of chivalry dates all the way back to the days of knights in shining armour. Suits of armour were designed to protect every last inch of the body including the head. The helmet part of the armour, however, made it hard to recognize the person underneath the metal as friend or foe.

Out of this difficulty the tradition arose: men lifted their visor to demonstrate that they were friendly and nonthreatening. Therefore, it became custom for men to lift their visors or remove their helmet in the presence of a lady. This was also customary when passing other knights, or people in general.

The Custom:

The tradition which was born in the days of yore, or perhaps more accurately lore, managed to find its way within the modern world. You may be asking yourself: how is this possible?

Clearly, the suit of armour did not persist into modernity. The metal helmet was replaced with first the top hat, the fedora and then later on with the cap (most recently baseball caps).

Like male fashion, the custom evolved. Men no longer lifted their visors but tipped their hats. This act was no longer to reveal an obscured friendly face but rather served as a cordial gesture. It still said 'I'm a friend' to those it was directed at.


This act of chivalry became so engrained in western culture almost every man tipped his hat at one point. Whether it was a way of saying hello, thank you, or more broadly respect/admiration this was ultimately a sign of good manners. It became a normal social custom and was, for a time, a deeply engrained behaviour.

The Verdict: LOVE IT (Hats off to this one)!

In total honesty the entire tipping your hat custom is not something that stirred up passionate feelings one way, or the other. But, it is a harmless gesture of respect so this shifted the scales in its favour. It also did not hurt that it is directed at both sexes and there is equality in that.

Stay tuned for more. There will be a new blog post every week!