Flower Etiquette

Photo: A field of daisies

The History:

In Medieval society dating, and courtship rituals were quite different from that of today. First of all, dating was not something that was taken lightly. If a person was spending time with their intended it was as a means to an end not simply 'hanging out'. It would have also been chaperoned. It was of the utmost importance that honour, virtue and chastity (just to be clear we are talking about virginity) were preserved.

For knights who took an oath of chivalry it was their duty to protect and honour those weaker, and lesser than themselves. There also  was specific stipulations about upholding the honour and reputation of women throughout the code itself. Therefore, one could not simply kiss their significant other or tell them how they felt.

This was because:
A). They would never be alone
B). People would speculate something dishonourable was occurring.

Also at this time the concept of love began to make an appearance in the world of relationships. But, it was not necessary as many people still married for reasons of class, wealth, and finding an 'appropriate' match. Many relationships were arranged at the time.

The Custom:

It was from this historical, and social landscape that the concept of giving coded gifts as symbols of affection arose. Since the couple would not be alone together they could, instead, pass notes and gifts to one another. This allowed for intimacy, privacy, and some degree of secrecy in relationships.

Tokens of affection took various forms: actual love tokens, poems, and most notably flowers. The language of flowers (floriography) has existed for thousands of years but was extremely popular in Medieval, and Victorian times. Every flower carried a specific meaning, and books or lists were used to help both the giver and receiver decipher the intended message.

For example:
Daisy - innocence
Ivy - Fidelity
Lavender - Distrust
Lilac - First Love
**Click here for a longer list**

The Verdict: Love it (don't leaf it)
There is nothing wrong with letting your significant other know you are thinking of them, or how you truly feel. The language of flowers has been lost in translation from the Medieval period into modernity. However, the original meaning a flower carried is not what is important; it is the thought that counts.

It is simply good manners to show up to a date, or a party with flowers. Or to offer flowers as a sign of congratulations or affection. It does not simply have to be a guy giving a girl flowers. Rather friends, women, parents, etc. taking the time to say 'I care' without actually saying it.