Flower Etiquette

Photo: A field of daisies

The History:

In Medieval society dating, and courtship rituals were quite different from that of today. First of all, dating was not something that was taken lightly. If a person was spending time with their intended it was as a means to an end not simply 'hanging out'. It would have also been chaperoned. It was of the utmost importance that honour, virtue and chastity (just to be clear we are talking about virginity) were preserved.

For knights who took an oath of chivalry it was their duty to protect and honour those weaker, and lesser than themselves. There also  was specific stipulations about upholding the honour and reputation of women throughout the code itself. Therefore, one could not simply kiss their significant other or tell them how they felt.

This was because:
A). They would never be alone
B). People would speculate something dishonourable was occurring.

Also at this time the concept of love began to make an appearance in the world of relationships. But, it was not necessary as many people still married for reasons of class, wealth, and finding an 'appropriate' match. Many relationships were arranged at the time.

The Custom:

It was from this historical, and social landscape that the concept of giving coded gifts as symbols of affection arose. Since the couple would not be alone together they could, instead, pass notes and gifts to one another. This allowed for intimacy, privacy, and some degree of secrecy in relationships.

Tokens of affection took various forms: actual love tokens, poems, and most notably flowers. The language of flowers (floriography) has existed for thousands of years but was extremely popular in Medieval, and Victorian times. Every flower carried a specific meaning, and books or lists were used to help both the giver and receiver decipher the intended message.

For example:
Daisy - innocence
Ivy - Fidelity
Lavender - Distrust
Lilac - First Love
**Click here for a longer list**

The Verdict: Love it (don't leaf it)
There is nothing wrong with letting your significant other know you are thinking of them, or how you truly feel. The language of flowers has been lost in translation from the Medieval period into modernity. However, the original meaning a flower carried is not what is important; it is the thought that counts.

It is simply good manners to show up to a date, or a party with flowers. Or to offer flowers as a sign of congratulations or affection. It does not simply have to be a guy giving a girl flowers. Rather friends, women, parents, etc. taking the time to say 'I care' without actually saying it. 

Door Etiquette

Photo: the front end of a vintage car

The History:

There are, in fact, a number of historical reasons behind men holding the door open for women. Today, we will explore the main reasons: the ancient code of chivalry, and female fashion. In order to get to the heart of this custom it makes sense to begin, at well, the beginning. The medieval code of chivalry demanded that knights/gentlemen protect those weaker, or lesser, than themselves.

Also, it should be noted that female fashion has not historically been the most practical. Women wore dresses with corsets, hoop skirts, and many more layers which tended to make it awkward to maneuver about . Women, at times, simply needed help negotiating their way through doorways.

The custom:

When staring down an open door it is not uncommon to hear the statement "ladies first," and so we have arrived at the custom. "Women and children first," applied, originally, in situations where harm or danger was imminent. 

The vulnerable, weaker people would be saved first in this seemingly 'noble' act. For example: on the titanic women and children boarded the life boats first until it was deemed the boats were at capacity

In our modern life of relative safety it is no longer common to find oneself in a situation where harm or danger looms. Women's priority boarding has shifted from the life boats of yesterday, to buildings or cars. Offering to open a door for women is how this tradition evolved.

However, offering to open a car door for a women is a pregnant action. It not only bears all of the historical significance previously discussed, but much more. Men would walk to the passenger door for two reasons: men were the assumed drivers, and women could not always drive cars. These reasons were built upon deeply embedded gendered stereotypes.

The Verdict: LEAVE IT (that door is better left shut)

Anything which is predicated on the fact women are the weaker sex, and can't drive should be left in the past. That being said: I think people, in general, should open the door for everyone.

If someone is right behind you take an extra two seconds and brighten someone's day. But the dated stereotypes and female first mentality should be shut out.

Stay tuned for a new post next week!

Hat etiquette

Photo: Men wearing hats in the 1920s

The History:

This custom of chivalry dates all the way back to the days of knights in shining armour. Suits of armour were designed to protect every last inch of the body including the head. The helmet part of the armour, however, made it hard to recognize the person underneath the metal as friend or foe.

Out of this difficulty the tradition arose: men lifted their visor to demonstrate that they were friendly and nonthreatening. Therefore, it became custom for men to lift their visors or remove their helmet in the presence of a lady. This was also customary when passing other knights, or people in general.

The Custom:

The tradition which was born in the days of yore, or perhaps more accurately lore, managed to find its way within the modern world. You may be asking yourself: how is this possible?

Clearly, the suit of armour did not persist into modernity. The metal helmet was replaced with first the top hat, the fedora and then later on with the cap (most recently baseball caps).

Like male fashion, the custom evolved. Men no longer lifted their visors but tipped their hats. This act was no longer to reveal an obscured friendly face but rather served as a cordial gesture. It still said 'I'm a friend' to those it was directed at.


This act of chivalry became so engrained in western culture almost every man tipped his hat at one point. Whether it was a way of saying hello, thank you, or more broadly respect/admiration this was ultimately a sign of good manners. It became a normal social custom and was, for a time, a deeply engrained behaviour.

The Verdict: LOVE IT (Hats off to this one)!

In total honesty the entire tipping your hat custom is not something that stirred up passionate feelings one way, or the other. But, it is a harmless gesture of respect so this shifted the scales in its favour. It also did not hurt that it is directed at both sexes and there is equality in that.

Stay tuned for more. There will be a new blog post every week!